{"id":2659,"date":"2018-08-01T01:07:53","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T01:07:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinewipe.com\/?p=2659"},"modified":"2018-08-28T11:36:14","modified_gmt":"2018-08-28T11:36:14","slug":"james-gunn-sacked-guardians-of-the-galaxy-tree","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2018\/08\/01\/james-gunn-sacked-guardians-of-the-galaxy-tree\/","title":{"rendered":"I know how James Gunn feels: I once made a joke about photosynthesis and now I\u2019m an actual tree"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3>It\u2019s tough living in a reality where, if you make a joke about something, you become that thing.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>In a recent tweet I made a joke about the process in which plants use light energy to convert water and carbon dioxide into oxygen, and now I have literally been transformed into 142-year-old conifer tree. Which, if you think about it, is really one of the worst trees to be. Instead of soft, flappy leaves, my body is covered in prickly needles that would probably give me a rash if it weren\u2019t for the fact that my skin is now made of hardened, coarse bark. <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>The joke wasn\u2019t particularly funny, but it was a joke all the same. After Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn was sacked by Disney for making paedophilia jokes 10 years ago, I described the Nazi-founded children\u2019s entertainment company as a plant life-like organism that sucks in young people and morons and converts them into mediocrity perpetuators who, ironically, waste oxygen.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Shortly after losing 327 followers, branches began to sprout from my fingers and my feet became rooted to the ground. My testicles slowly started to resemble pine cones and a thrush wasted no time in building a nest in the crevice where my ear used to be.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>How was I to know that by combining certain words to generate ironic meaning that my biology would be irreversibly altered? If I had, I would have made a joke about people with low hairlines and perfectly healthy bowels.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>So I have to confess that I sympathise with James Gunn who, having made his pedophilia jokes 10 years ago, is now condemned to spend the rest of his days as an actual, disgusting paedophile. Although, I couldn\u2019t care less about Guardians of the Galaxy, what with it being a cross between an 80s edition of Top of the Pops<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>and a comic book shop owner\u2019s wanking fantasies. And I find the depiction of the tree character deeply offensive.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s tough living in a reality where, if you make a joke about something, you become that thing.\u00a0 In a recent tweet I made a joke about the&#8230; <a class=\"list-more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2018\/08\/01\/james-gunn-sacked-guardians-of-the-galaxy-tree\/\">Continue reading <i class=\"fa fa-angle-double-right\"><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2676,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2659","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-opinion","post_format-post-format-image"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I know how James Gunn feels: I once made a joke about photosynthesis and now I\u2019m an actual tree - CineWipe<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I know how James Gunn feels: I once made a joke about photosyntheis and now I\u2019m actual tree \u2013 In a recent tweet I made a joke about...\" \/>\n<meta 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