It\u2019s that time of year again when swathes of film people descend on Twitter to frantically share their thoughts about films in a desperate attempt to gain status over other equally annoying film people.<\/p>\n
I haven\u2019t seen any of the films currently premiering at the Venice Film Festival, but nevertheless, I took it upon myself to speak to an anonymous \u2018journalist\u2019 who has and was eager to ejaculate their superior knowledge all over me.<\/p>\n
Speaking via FaceTime while he walked around the festival picking at free food, we discussed social media etiquette and the importance of letting people know you\u2019re better than them.<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you believe there was only one choice of wine at the screening of Yorgos Lanthimos\u2019s The Favourite?\u201d he began. \u201cIt was fucking barbaric, like a multimedia screening full of competition winners.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut yes, of course it\u2019s important to tweet about the auteurist qualities of Victor Kossakovsky\u2019s Aquarela in a near condescending manner, despite knowing that no one else is going to watch it. How else will people know I\u2019m better than them?\u201d<\/p>\n
He paused briefly to stand next to a group of other festival attendees, and after a few seconds of eavesdropping he interjected: \u201cAh yes, but Alfonso Cuar\u00f3n addressed that theme far more poignantly in Y Tu Mam\u00e1 Tambi\u00e9n.\u201d<\/p>\n
The self-proclaimed critic had just finished watching A Star Is Born, starring pop singer Lady Gaga, and he was incandescent with eagerness to tweet about it. \u201cI actually left the film 30 minutes early, just so I could be the first to get my thoughts out there,\u201d he said after sucking on a tube connected directly to his arse hole. \u201cGaga was utterly mesmeric. A true Hollywood great in the making, like Marlon Brando or Jennifer Lopez.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"