{"id":2879,"date":"2019-09-04T15:44:28","date_gmt":"2019-09-04T15:44:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinewipe.com\/?p=2879"},"modified":"2020-04-10T15:12:15","modified_gmt":"2020-04-10T15:12:15","slug":"classic-cinewipe-american-psycho-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2019\/09\/04\/classic-cinewipe-american-psycho-review\/","title":{"rendered":"Classic CineWipe does American Psycho"},"content":{"rendered":"

My viewing experience of this 2000 masterpiece is enhanced immeasurably when I watch it completely billy bollocks.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am writing this on a Wednesday, which means I have already watched my favourite film American Psycho three times this week. The first time, I introduced it to our Christian family friends Paul and Eileen, who had come round for an evening meal and certainly didn\u2019t expect to stay for a further two hours after eating. The second time, I had it on in the background while my girlfriend and I ordered reasonably-priced furniture for our balcony. And the third time, I watched it on my own, in the dark, completely naked and covered in pigs\u2019 blood I\u2019d poured on myself from a pack of pork chops. <\/span><\/p>\n

I find the last of those viewing methods is really the only way to properly experience Mary Harron\u2019s 2000 adaptation of the original source material, written by Donald Trump, Roseanne Barr and Kanye West defender Bret Easton Ellis. For clothes are just an obstacle that get between me and the film\u2019s indubitable brilliance. When Paul Allen\u2019s annoying little head is stoved in by Patrick Bateman\u2019s seemingly store-fresh axe, I want to feel the blood splatter on my bare chest and thighs as if I were in the room. So I flick the pack of pork chops at myself to create the effect, and then have a massive wank. <\/span><\/p>\n

Despite what most fans will probably tell you, that scene is not the film\u2019s best. I am far more aroused by Bateman\u2019s perspiratory reaction to a finely-designed business card with its own watermark. And when he monologues about post-Peter Gabriel Genesis to two prostitutes, my prostate pulsates so hard I momentarily go blind. <\/span><\/p>\n

The script is so ridiculously quotable I simply cannot help but recite parts of it in everyday life, especially when I\u2019m murdering women. \u201cThere are no girls with good personalities,\u201d I said in the middle of a feminist protest walk last week, and in my mum\u2019s last birthday card, I wrote: \u201cYou\u2019re a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and play around with your blood. Lots of love, Chris.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Christian Bale\u2019s exquisite delivery of these lines that makes them so memorable and hilarious. His cold and highly-relatable performance as Bateman is one he will never better, and I shall continue to emulate it when eating in fine restaurants and from bloody labias. Through the eyes of a female director, Bateman is portrayed as a highly insecure yuppie with a vigorous face exfoliation and workout routine, a man who personifies fragile masculinity in a pro-Trump world. It\u2019s testament to the film\u2019s direction, writing, lighting, sound and catering that such material only proves more relevant today. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I have to return some videotapes. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My viewing experience of this 2000 masterpiece is enhanced immeasurably when I watch it completely billy bollocks.\u00a0 I am writing this on a Wednesday, which means I have… Continue reading <\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2887,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2879","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-reviews","post_format-post-format-image"],"yoast_head":"\nClassic CineWipe does American Psycho \u2013 The funniest film ever made<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I am writing this on a Wednesday, which means I have already watched my favourite film American Psycho three times this week.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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