{"id":2905,"date":"2018-07-15T16:00:51","date_gmt":"2018-07-15T16:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinewipe.com\/?p=2905"},"modified":"2021-07-16T22:26:54","modified_gmt":"2021-07-16T22:26:54","slug":"whoop-cinemas-exterminated-lasers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2018\/07\/15\/whoop-cinemas-exterminated-lasers\/","title":{"rendered":"People who whoop in cinemas to be exterminated by automated laser guns"},"content":{"rendered":"

Film fans who let out an audible cry of excitement in the cinema will be immediately terminated by a death ray gun, it has been confirmed. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Cinema seats across the world are now being installed with self-firing laser rifles, which will automatically pop out of your headrest and disintegrate your face if you express your enjoyment of a film by shouting.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Death ray chair designer Peter Kniferack said: \u201cWe actually had a really successful test run of it when Incredibles 2 came out. When Elastigirl stoped that runaway train with her stretchy arms, one of the laser guns picked up a cheer and instantly vanquished the perpetrator.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI did warn my son, so he got what he deserved.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A study conducted by Kniferack’s team has concluded that people who audibly express their excitement in a cinema for the apparent benefit of those around them are 87% more likely to wet the bed and\/or die a virgin.<\/p>\n

Kniferack added: \u201cFor Star Wars and all future Marvel stuff, we\u2019re working on a massive plasma cannon that flips from behind the screen and wipes out absolutely everyone.”<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Film fans who let out an audible cry of excitement in the cinema will be immediately terminated by a death ray gun, it has been confirmed. 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