{"id":2975,"date":"2020-03-24T18:33:24","date_gmt":"2020-03-24T18:33:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/?p=2975"},"modified":"2020-03-24T18:33:24","modified_gmt":"2020-03-24T18:33:24","slug":"film-disney-plus-coronavirus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2020\/03\/24\/film-disney-plus-coronavirus\/","title":{"rendered":"Film twat pretending they don\u2019t usually stay indoors"},"content":{"rendered":"

An insufferable film wanker who rarely leaves the house anyway is pretending their life has been drastically changed by the government\u2019s orders to self-isolate.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nathanial Dryjeans, an unemployed 35-year-old who occasionally writes listicles for \u00a325, has been working his way through every single film and TV show currently available on Disney+, as if that wasn\u2019t always what he was going to fucking do.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d usually be climbing up a mountain or kayaking through some rapids,\u201d said Dryjeans. \u201cBut because of this coronavirus lark, I\u2019m instead watching Mary Poppins for the 14th time.\u201d<\/p>\n

He continued: \u201cEven though I\u2019ve only been self-isolating for a week, I honestly think I\u2019m starting to lose my mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m such an outgoing person, so to be told I have to stay inside and binge-watch The Mandalorian is a real struggle for me. But I\u2019m doing it for the NHS.<\/p>\n

\u201cLuckily, my bedroom just so happens to be set up in such a way that I won\u2019t have to leave it for 18 months if necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mum Caroline said: \u201cHe\u2019s a smelly, lazy cunt who only leaves his room for chocolate and crisps. If he gets a cough it\u2019s only because he\u2019s been basking in his own arse fumes for the duration of every Marvel movie.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo be quite honest, I wish he\u2019d just get coronavirus.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An insufferable film wanker who rarely leaves the house anyway is pretending their life has been drastically changed by the government\u2019s orders to self-isolate. 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