{"id":3002,"date":"2020-05-05T16:02:20","date_gmt":"2020-05-05T16:02:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/?p=3002"},"modified":"2020-05-06T22:06:30","modified_gmt":"2020-05-06T22:06:30","slug":"cinewipe-ranks-9-random-films","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/05\/cinewipe-ranks-9-random-films\/","title":{"rendered":"CineWipe\u2019s definitive ranking of 9 random films"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s the moment you\u2019ve all been waiting for. It\u2019s CineWipe\u2019s definitive ranking of 9 completely random films!<\/p>\n

9. Twilight<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I only managed a few minutes of the first Twilight film before I had to turn it off. I would say I was put off by that bit where Robert Pattinson starts sparkling in front of Kristen Stewart, but then I generally find all vampire films to be unwatchable. <\/span><\/p>\n

8. Pokemon: The Movie<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

While I probably enjoyed this as a kid, I now heavily relate to my dad who was asleep for the duration of the picture. When he woke up, he had the look of a man whose time had been severely wasted. It had. <\/span><\/p>\n

7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Harry Potter fans are definitely one of the most annoying groups of people, especially when they\u2019re blocking my way at King\u2019s Cross. If I had a chamber of secrets it\u2019d be full with their corpses. <\/span><\/p>\n

6. Kafka<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The other day I transformed into a giant verminous bug, prompting my girlfriend to lock me in the bathroom. None of this happens to Jeremy Irons, but several years later he was forced to star in Batman v Superman, which sounds like just as much of a nightmare. <\/span><\/p>\n

5. Cool Runnings<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I once trained for several months to enter the Winter Olympics. Unfortunately, table tennis isn\u2019t one of the sports they cover. So I can fully relate to the struggles of the 1988 Jamaican bobsleigh team.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Midsommar<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Twitter is a bit like a cult. If you disobey the stringent laws set in place by Greta Gerwig t-shirt-wearers, you\u2019ll be drugged, forced into conception, paralysed, stuffed inside a hollowed-out bear and then burnt to death. Florence Pugh was good in this. <\/span><\/p>\n

3. Octopussy<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Octopussy is probably the worst James Bond film, so therefore also the best. Whoever the next 007 is, they will never be able to top the moment Roger Moore pokes his cheeky little head out of a crocodile submarine. Whenever this scene comes up, the dog and I always point at the screen and laugh. <\/span><\/p>\n

2. Hercules<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Although wildly inaccurate (he should technically be called Heracles and there should also be a scene in which he bites Hera\u2019s teat, leading to the creation of the Milky Way), this Disney classic is still highly watchable \u2013 even more so now I\u2019ve found the DVD. <\/span><\/p>\n

1. My Neighbour Totoro<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

My neighbour is a horrible bastard who refuses to follow social distancing rules and regularly blows his cigarette smoke onto my balcony. The only thing that comforts me is the knowledge that, like the characters in this classic Studio Ghibli anime, the angel of death will eventually find him. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s the moment you\u2019ve all been waiting for. It\u2019s CineWipe\u2019s definitive ranking of 9 completely random films! 9. Twilight I only managed a few minutes of the first… Continue reading <\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3012,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13,15,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-opinion","category-reviews","post_format-post-format-image"],"yoast_head":"\nCineWipe\u2019s definitive ranking of 9 random films - CineWipe<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It\u2019s the moment you\u2019ve all been waiting for. 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