{"id":3035,"date":"2020-06-03T23:31:12","date_gmt":"2020-06-03T23:31:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/?p=3035"},"modified":"2020-06-05T17:11:44","modified_gmt":"2020-06-05T17:11:44","slug":"killed-chicken-skyrim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2020\/06\/03\/killed-chicken-skyrim\/","title":{"rendered":"I killed a chicken in Skyrim and paid the price"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"p1\"><strong>It turns out chickens are sort of sacred in Skyrim \u2013 if only I\u2019d known that before murdering one with magic<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">In a cowardly attempt to escape the current hideousness of reality, I have once again immersed myself in the fantasy world of The Elder Scrolls. Originally released in 2011, then followed by a remastered edition in 2016, Skyrim perhaps holds the prestigious title of being my all-time favourite game, alongside Zelda and staring at the wall and waiting for the day to end. Although there are plenty of RPGs that offer the same sort of escapism, there are few that feel as limitless as Skyrim, where it\u2019s possible to kill a dragon, harvest its bones, turn said bones into armour and weapons, and then enchant them with a spell you read in a book. You can also end up being sent on a two-hour detour as a result of killing a chicken.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">So, with a thirst for adventure and a few minutes to kill before my chips finished cooking in the oven, I started a new game as a cat wizard named Ian. Soon after completing the introductory mission \u2013 in which I narrowly escaped having my head chopped off, thanks to a conveniently interruptive dragon \u2013 I made my way to Riverwood to speak to a woman named Hilde, who sets the main quest in motion. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Upon arrival in the quiet little farm village, I was greeted by a chicken. Without as much as a second thought, the girlfriend (watching over my shoulder) suggested I use my fire magic on the bird to see if it would cook. It had been such a long time since I last played the game that I honestly couldn\u2019t remember if it was possible to roast live poultry, so I gave it a go. The act instantly slapped me with a 40-coin bounty and Hilde, who I very much needed to speak to as part of the first quest, started frenziedly attacking me. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">She chased me for half an hour (real-time) beyond the starting location of the game. Along the way, I got into a scrap with a few Imperial Guards and a travelling salesman who got in the way of one of my lightning spells. At this point, my chips had finished cooking. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Several nervous farts later \u2013 after desperately casting fire, electricity and healing spells, while also trying to recuperate enough stamina to sprint and pathetically jump on top of large rocks \u2013 I finally managed to kill Hilde and the salesmen. I then legged it from the guards back to Riverwood, where I wasn\u2019t exactly welcomed with open arms. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">With seemingly the whole of Skyrim firing arrows at me, I decided to jump in the nearby river and wait for things to blow over. I took this downtime to Google how to continue the main quest in the event of unintentionally murdering Hilde. It\u2019s at this point I discovered dozens of articles warning about the dangers of killing a chicken in Skyrim. Turns out they\u2019re sacred or something.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Anyway, Google told me I could continue the main quest by speaking to the Jarl in Whiterun, so I set out to do exactly that. When I got there, I was immediately arrested by the guards. Somehow, they\u2019d learnt of my crimes, despite there being no way someone could have written and mailed them a letter in the time it took me to walk there. I would have had to have delivered the message myself. And they don\u2019t have internet or anything like that, so they couldn\u2019t have heard about it on Twitter. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Not in the mood for another epic, thirty-minute battle with the authorities, and with very little coin on my person, I elected to go straight to jail. I tried to escape, but the lockpick broke, so I went to bed. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Having served my time, I was now free to roam around Whiterun. I thought I should probably check that I still had all of my inventory (stolen items are usually confiscated), but in doing so, I somehow managed to drop all of my clothing in a water feature that magically deleted every item. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Dejected but not defeated, I decided to ditch the main quest and spend my remaining coins on a carriage ride to the College of Winterhold, to begin my training as a mage. Off I set, completely billy bollocks for the entire journey. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Arriving in the snowy town of Winterhold, in nothing more than just a complimentary pair of underpants, it soon became apparent that I would have to pay for a spell to impress a lady guarding the College entrance. Without enough coinage to make the purchase, I had no choice but to awkwardly crouch down in front of the woman and attempt to pickpocket the spell from her. This failed miserably, as I accidentally cast a bolt of lightning at her twot and was promptly killed in retaliation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">If seeing Ian the wizard cat lying dead on the floor wasn\u2019t enough of a downer, I then realised that all of my recent autosaves left me in an unfavourable position, either in the middle of combat or penniless. I had no choice but to start the game from scratch, erasing almost two and a half hours of genuine hard graft.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p3\"><span class=\"s2\">Next time, I\u2019ll leave the chicken alone. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It turns out chickens are sort of sacred in Skyrim \u2013 if only I\u2019d known that before murdering one with magic In a cowardly attempt to escape the&#8230; <a class=\"list-more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/cinewipe.com\/index.php\/2020\/06\/03\/killed-chicken-skyrim\/\">Continue reading <i class=\"fa fa-angle-double-right\"><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3047,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3035","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-opinion","post_format-post-format-image"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - 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