Since the beginning of the pandemic, Twitter has seen a surge in unbearable film-related rants, hot takes and never-ending watchlist updates – but are you part of the problem? Take the quiz and find out.
With the virus refusing to relent for a further year thanks to a new TikTok handshaking craze, No Time to Die ends up being delayed until 2022
What do you do?
A) Compose a tweet/article about how MGM has singlehandedly let down the film industry again, and even consider mailing Daniel Craig a bag of dog shit.
B) Remain concerned about the future of cinema and express how gutted you are that you never got to see The Witches on the big screen.
C) Fucking hell, there’s an actual plague on and people still care about films? Just whack it on streaming so I don’t have sit in a room full of coughing strangers I wouldn’t usually go within two-metres of anyway.
You’ve just finished a massive rewatch of all the Alien films, including Alien vs Predator for some reason
What do you do?
A) Share your official ranking (from favourite to least favourite) in a thoroughly considered list, thinking people actually care about what you like or what you do in your spare time.
B) You feel compelled to tell the world about your favourite scenes, making some sort of comment about the scope and ambition of the second film. You’re thoroughly satisfied with the wording of your tweet.
C) You know that the best film is actually the first, but you don’t feel the need to tweet about it. Amazingly, you don’t even mention the fact that you’ve just rewatched them all.
COVID-19 cases remain high, but the cinemas are open and you’ve got the opportunity to see Wonder Woman 1984 and Black Widow in a tasty double-bill
What do you do?
A) You don your face mask like the courageous superhero you are and head straight to the cinema. The industry needs you and you’re willing to do your bit to save it, even if it means killing your nan.
B) You would love to watch both films, but you’re too scared to go. Instead, you tweet about how gutted you are while acting like you’re the only person preventing the spread of the virus. No one likes you.
C) The thought of seeing both Wonder Woman and Black Widow in one day makes you feel a bit ill. You stay at home testing your temperature with a thermometer, stuffing it in every hole except your mouth. You have a great time.
Disney release a major blockbuster with great representation on Disney+, but you have to pay half a week’s shopping to watch it, even if you already have a subscription
What do you do?
A) Go apeshit. You can’t believe you’ve been charged an additional fee when you’re already paying £6.99 a month to watch The Simpsons and Cheaper By the Dozen 2. It doesn’t cross your mind that it still costs less than going to the cinema.
B) Point out this is a missed opportunity to get a film with great representation out to a wider audience, somehow fucking forgetting that millions more people will get to see it this way.
C) £14.99 is quite reasonable really, especially if my family of four watch it together. Not that any of them will chip in, the miserly cunts.
Answers
Mostly As: The absolute state of you. You’ve made lockdown ten times worse for everyone with your awful opinions and frequently reminding us how much you miss being sat in a dark room that smells vaguely of handjobs. Worse still, your attitude has rubbed off on others and you’re now responsible for the spread of a twat pandemic.
Mostly Bs: You’re not as bad as some people, but then you probably haven’t been entirely honest with these answers, have you? You picked B because you thought it was the safe middle ground option, but really you’re a bit of an A with an insufferable desire to watch terrible films.
Mostly Cs: You may not be an insufferable film twat, but you’re probably a twat of the regular variety.
A mixture: You’re quite clearly an insufferable twat, proven by how seriously you’ve taken this quiz and the fact you didn’t answer mostly C.