Still reeling from his embarrassing BAFTA snub, Paddington Bear now turns his frustrations to the obnoxious rabbit.
Interview conducted by Tom Harris
“He’s always been an unbearable cunt,” says Paddington, picking at his paws. Since the last time we spoke to him he seems to have got himself in an even worse state: he’s drinking more than ever and has now started smoking 60 cigarettes a day, a habit he picked up from actor Hugh Grant.
“A total arsehole, a precocious, arrogant shit.” Paddington is of course talking about Peter Rabbit, a long-time rival of his who is currently celebrating the release of his new film.
“You think the allergy stuff in his film is controversial?” he asks me, spilling some of his whiskey on my shoe. “Well he stole that from me. On the set of Paddington 2, I gave Hugh Bonneville a Snickers and it was fucking hilarious. Pete is just a thief. And I saw him punch a kid once.”
“He genuinely thinks he’s better than me, with his stupid ears and shit coat. But let’s just see how many five star reviews his film gets. No one gives a shit about rabbits anymore. This Easter children will buy chocolate eggs with my face on it, even though I’m a bear. That’s how big I am.”
“And have you ever noticed that he sounds just like James Corden? If I sounded like him I’d never inflict myself on paying audiences.”