Nothing can compare to a man’s love for his dog, especially when sex is involved
I’ll never forget the first time I saw Han Solo and his eight-foot dog Chewbacca in the Mos Eisley cantina on Tatooine, their arms lovingly draped over each other like they’d just finished engaging in epic coitus. ‘Have they just completed a monumental rimming session?’ I thought to myself. I wanted to know everything about this mysterious, interspecies couple, the things they have done to each other and how they did them.
Luckily, Solo: A Star Wars Story poignantly explores the various ways in which Han and Chewie have fucked each other.
We’re shown the magical moment the two characters meet for the first time, in a sultry nightclub on one of Lah’mu’s seven moons. The two of them lock eyes from across the bar, engage in some death stick abuse, and before you know it, they’re devouring each other’s arse holes in a nearby alleyway. From that scene, it’s clear to see why the two of them developed such a special bond, one that would last over three decades.
My favourite scene, however, depicts the famous Kessel Run. Piloting the Millennium Falcon together through swirling nebula nonsense, Han and Chewie use the ship’s vibrations to help them achieve climax at the exact same time. They sit on every lever and control stick available, wiggling furiously while only partially paying attention to a massive space squid that is trying to eat them.
Chewbacca growls libidinously before unleashing his load on a young Han’s face, and then the smuggler returns the favour. As the Wookiee’s luscious fur gradually becomes matted, classic Star Wars music plays to signify this is an iconic moment in the franchise’s history. I’m just glad I finally got to see it.
Solo: A Star Wars Story is out now.