At one point during the climactic fight of Creed II, I got out of my seat and punched a fellow journalist in the back of the head. I was celebrating a particularly dramatic moment in which the film’s hero, Adonis, managed to floor a massive Russian shit. Clutching their skull in pain, the journalist turned around and looked at me in utter bewilderment. Then I punched them in the face.
It was at this moment that I was inspired to become an actual boxer and began punching everything in sight. I punched a woman sitting next to me and then immediately clambered over the back of my seat to punch a competition winner. It wasn’t long before everyone in the auditorium was either out cold or huddled over in fear, so I made my way to the foyer and began punching everyone there, too.
As I mercilessly pounded away at an entire family who had just come out of a screening of The Grinch, I couldn’t help but contemplate the film’s powerful themes of parenthood and legacy.
Adonis Creed (Michael B. Jordan) is emotionally compromised when he’s challenged to a fight by a 12-foot Russian (brillIantly played by Glenn Close), who is also the son of Ivan Drago, the man who killed Adonis’s father, Apollo, in Rocky IV. The Russians also have their own family drama going on as Ivan desperately tries to restore honour to his name by training his offspring to become the heavyweight champion. Meanwhile, Rocky is struggling to muster the courage to get in contact with his estranged son.
These narrative strands made me care about each of the characters equally, so that by the time it got to the final fight it felt like something was actually at stake. I was so touched, I almost lost concentration while punching the teeth out of a toddler.
Soon after this, a burly security guard stood before me and raised his fists. Now, it might just have been me, but I could have sworn everyone in the cinema was chanting my name as we prepared to engage in an epic fight – the main event, if you will.
The next thing I remember is waking up in hospital and pissing blood all over my bedsheets. I had two cracked ribs, a broken cheekbone, concussion and a permanent personality change. I’ve since watched clips of the security guard beating me senseless on social media, and from what I’ve seen he appears to hit me so hard that it made me involuntarily sing I Have A Dream by ABBA.
I can’t wait for Creed III.