Avengers: Endgame will culminate in a monumental fuckfest, the like of which has never been seen on a cinema screen, it has been confirmed.
After defeating Thanos, the Marvel movie’s heroes will be seen celebrating by engaging in an epic orgy that will last approximately 32 minutes, before the screen eventually fades to white.
Nathan Green, a 45-year-old virgin still living with his parents who accidentally stumbled upon the film’s ending in a forum by Googling ‘Black Widow tit wanks Hulk’, said: “This is the ending we all wanted. The fact we’re finally going to get to see all of our favourite characters fuck each other fills me with so much joy. It’s really made me feel like a kid again.
“Mercifully, the majority of shagging we see won’t be heterosexual, so the fans will finally have their dreams realised as Captain Marvel absolutely mullers Valkyrie with her photon tongue and Thor tickles Captain America’s gooch with Rocket Racoon’s snout.
After the film finishes, costumed audience members will be encouraged to have sex with each other in the cinema foyer while discussing their favourite parts of the lengthy orgy scene.
“I don’t need to see the film to know that my favourite bit will be when Okoye shoves her entire bald head up Shuri’s arse and screams ‘Wakanda Forever!’” added Green.
“I’d probably be called a massive pervert under any other circumstance, but I get away with it because millions of other Marvel fans are pathetic, sex-deprived losers who get off on watching fictional characters rim each other, too.”
Avengers: Endgame is in cinemas April 25.