Pennywise the Clown is struggling to comprehend the obscene amount of fanny he’s been tucking into.
Despite his horrifying appearance and tendency to murder people, the clown claims he’s been inundated with offers of consequence-free sex since the release of It Chapter 2.
Pennywise said: “Honestly, the amount of fanny I’m getting is mind-buggering.
“I can barely comprehend the amount of hairy poon that’s offered itself up lately, and I say that as an interdimensional demon who can pretty much imagine anything.
“You’d think with teeth like mine I’d struggle to attract anyone, but I can’t even tell you how many women have had a go on my nightmare cock, which shapeshifts between a black mamba and a jazz flute.
Pennywise also shared details of a particularly licentious trip to a carnival with his friend The Joker.
“After killing a few dozen kids, Joker and I laid pretty much every mum in sight. They couldn’t get enough of our hell juice, and it’s all thanks to our Twitter hashtags.
“When I woke up the next morning Joker looked like his entire body had been sucked empty like a Frube. And all the women I’d seen to had been eaten alive by the giant spider bats I ejaculated inside them the night before.
“It was fucking mental, mate.”
It Chapter 2 is in cinemas now.