When she’s not opening schools or posing for stamps, Her Majesty absolutely loves dismembering scores of Mongols on the samurai game
The monarch has had plenty of time on her hands during the pandemic, and has found some much-needed escapism in a virtual feudal Japan.
“I absolutely fucking love this game,” said Her Majesty. “I must have slaughtered tens of thousands of Mongols by now, and I don’t think it’ll ever get old.
“The other day I sliced up an entire encampment with a series of deftly executed sword swipes. I stabbed this one fucker right in the neck and then used a new move I’d learned to chop off the arm of another bastard behind me. Then I entered photo mode and took a selfie with their blood-soaked corpses.”
She continued: “I’m currently sticking to the side quests at the moment because I want to make the game last as long as possible. I’m just trotting around on my horse finding new armour and weapons and killing anyone who gets in my way. It’s like the good old days.
“I’m in Act 2 now and I just upgraded my bow. After taking out four Mongols with a single strike each, a terrified fifth tried to run away, but I vanquished the little shit by launching an arrow right in the back of his head.
“I am the ultimate samurai.”
Prince Philip said: “I must admit, it is rather entertaining watching Liz wipe out all of these foreign invaders. I might have to start a file.”