In a drunken outburst, the Peruvian bear expresses his disgust at being snubbed at the BAFTAs last night Slouched over the table between us and trying not to… Continue reading
OPINION
For some reason, people think film critics are obsessed with the condition of savoury fruit. Whenever someone describes me as a ‘Film Critic’ I cringe so hard I… Continue reading
It seems ridiculous to think it’s taken this long for a film to feature both diminutive office man Martin Freeman and motion benefactor Andy Serkis. Apart from The… Continue reading
How dare they give the perverted fantasy film Best Picture at the Oscars when all it’s done is turn my pond into a revolting sex stew? Since the… Continue reading
The vampire gore-orgy film was probably brilliant. I have not seen Underworld: Blood Wars, but I am extremely surprised to see that it hasn’t been nominated for an… Continue reading
What a wasted opportunity to make a much needed superhero film instead of some bollocks with a message. In Alexander Payne’s new film Downsizing, Matt Damon is shrunk… Continue reading
Christmas is an annual event in which people are forced to play charades with their racist relatives. It is commonly misconceived as the birthday of our Lord and… Continue reading
Many people think Star Wars: The Last Jedi is an excellent film. On the Twitter the other day, one person told me that it is better than The… Continue reading
Are you sick of dickheads arguing about whether Die Hard is a Christmas film? It doesn’t matter either way, because even if it is, it will never be… Continue reading