REVIEWS

It is widely agreed that Kingsman: The Secret Service is an excellent film. Its plot, in which a young victim of David Cameron’s Big Society is transformed from… Continue reading

Jennifer Lawrence apparently tore her diaphragm while filming this, but I was definitely in more discomfort watching it In Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky tackled the complex matter of… Continue reading

My biggest fear is shitting myself in public. It’s not irrational. I have stomach problems. Earlier today I was in serious danger of soiling myself on the train,… Continue reading

The Hitman’s Bodyguard is a rare film in which Samuel L. Jackson says ‘mothafucka’ a lot and Ryan Reynolds gets to play a sarcastic Canadian. It’s a return… Continue reading

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a complex film in which a diminutive gimp and Cara Delevingne shoot their way through a massive space station… Continue reading

Just seconds into Christopher Nolan’s latest film Dunkirk, I knew it was better than me. A young soldier examines some Jehovah’s Witness leaflets before being interrupted by a… Continue reading

While dangling from a branch of my favourite tree, I often wonder what it would be like to be human. I envisage myself wearing trousers and doing human… Continue reading

The other day, while I was having a shit, I watched a spider try to crawl out of the bath plughole. It had the sort of morose demeanour… Continue reading

It is far too warm to watch Transformers: The Last Knight. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to die soon, so the last thing I… Continue reading