OPINION

A high-profile celebrity is struggling with being confined to their 24-bed mansion and several airfields. Actress Melanie Birdhuff, like millions of others around the world, is currently staying… Continue reading

An insufferable film wanker who rarely leaves the house anyway is pretending their life has been drastically changed by the government’s orders to self-isolate. Nathanial Dryjeans, an unemployed… Continue reading

There’s absolutely no way the coronavirus can top the shithousery of the new Star Wars trilogy, a health expert has claimed. Dr Barry Warmbath, who has treated a… Continue reading

Film critics and unpaid bloggers around the world unanimously agree that every film they watch is also the best one ever made. Professional film journalist Barry McFlapper said:… Continue reading

Batman has a new gadget, and he’s not afraid to use it. I don’t know anything about cars, and I most certainly can’t drive them, so Batman’s attempt… Continue reading

Over the years, I may have said one or two nasty things about the Jack Sparrow actor, but it was all just an act I have always known… Continue reading

A film journalist has paid actual money to go and watch a movie, it has been confirmed Aaron Schitlumps, who usually watches films for free because it’s his… Continue reading

The upcoming Sonic The Hedgehog movie promised gritty realism with its first design of the character. Now, after his makeover, I fear I won’t be able to suspend… Continue reading

Digital wizardry will allow dead actor Kevin Spacey to star in a new film, it has been confirmed. Following his terrible sex-related death in 2016, Spacey’s head will… Continue reading