I don’t have children, but now that the monstrosity of 2017’s Justice League has finally been corrected, I feel like I might actually be able to bring a… Continue reading
Without hot running water, not even Gal Gadot can save Hollywood’s latest superhero-scented guff I’ve been having problems with my plumbing for several months now. On an almost… Continue reading
Since the beginning of the pandemic, Twitter has seen a surge in unbearable film-related rants, hot takes and never-ending watchlist updates – but are you part of the… Continue reading
When she’s not opening schools or posing for stamps, Her Majesty absolutely loves dismembering scores of Mongols on the samurai game The monarch has had plenty of time… Continue reading
Modern science has found the appendix to be a useless sac of tissue that mostly does nothing, but mine managed to convince the girlfriend to destroy half our… Continue reading
It turns out chickens are sort of sacred in Skyrim – if only I’d known that before murdering one with magic In a cowardly attempt to escape the… Continue reading
It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. It’s CineWipe’s definitive ranking of 9 completely random films! 9. Twilight I only managed a few minutes of the first… Continue reading
Isolation is much easier onboard an imaginary ship, one where I force my wife and cat into daily viewings of the Anthony Hopkins-led masterpiece What was once my… Continue reading
A high-profile celebrity is struggling with being confined to their 24-bed mansion and several airfields. Actress Melanie Birdhuff, like millions of others around the world, is currently staying… Continue reading
An insufferable film wanker who rarely leaves the house anyway is pretending their life has been drastically changed by the government’s orders to self-isolate. Nathanial Dryjeans, an unemployed… Continue reading