No, I haven’t seen X-Men: Dark Phoenix. I haven’t seen X-Men: Dark Phoenix because I was recently kidnapped by four men, taken to a laboratory and experimented on… Continue reading
It has been four years since I last felt moved in a cinema, and that was because someone told me I was sat in their seat. But upon… Continue reading
Godzilla has absolutely laid waste on the Cannes Film Festival, killing everyone present with his devastating atomic breath, it has been confirmed. Proper film journalists and freeloading bloggers… Continue reading
Due to the overwhelming success of Disney’s Aladdin, an original live-action adventure about an Arabian adolescent who regularly rubs one out, the studio is now considering adapting it… Continue reading
Former Game of Thrones fan Michael Croker is incandescent with rage after discovering that not all stories are painfully obvious and predictable, like Mr Men books or Avengers:… Continue reading
Sir Ian McKellen has been cast as the new Batman in the hope of bringing some real gravitas to the role, it has been confirmed. Other, less serious… Continue reading
Avengers: Endgame is a three-hour Marvel film about a group of superheroes who attempt to reverse the outcome of the last Marvel film in scenes that last approximately… Continue reading
Avengers: Endgame will culminate in a monumental fuckfest, the like of which has never been seen on a cinema screen, it has been confirmed. After defeating Thanos, the… Continue reading
The last time I genuinely marvelled at something was in my previous life as a common chaffinch. My mother had just finished regurgitating a delicious concoction of peanuts… Continue reading
Novelty voice message leaver and Clash of the Titans star Liam Neeson will play the villain in the upcoming Black Panther sequel Black Panther 2: Oh No He… Continue reading